For example: (mau ketawa harus ditahan) yeahhh of coz Jesus always loves you, but He is sad when you lie… He said, Btw kita kan disuruh bikin appointment every month, tapi kita ga bikin. Tapi G bilang, kita tetep sama dokter itu aja, but we dont have to come back to induce… Sampe ditelp ama dokternya karena we didnt make any appointment,… Sometimes, I would get so drunk with them until I passed out and also tried illegal substance. But when we were alone, just the two of us, he always treated me special.
Pas kita ketemu dokternya lagi in abt 2 month gitu, dokternya sampe manggil gue balik lagi ke ruangannya (waktu itu kita uda mau pulang), and asked me, “why u didnt come back last month to see me? dan kita ga angkat telponnya😛 Then tgl 1 january pun datang. A lot of guys approached me, until finally I was involved in free sex, had several sexual partners, one night stands etc. I had a broken family, there was no difference for me having them or not. So his friends only knew that I was his sex partner.
” Gue bilang, “no need lah, everything is ok right? But during those times, I seriously thought of killing myself, because I didn’t see the point of living anymore. That hurt because I already had deep feeling for him, but somehow I couldn’t bring myself to end this.
ok then..” kwkwkwkwk Nah terus waktu gue udah weeks 37 preggy, gue ketemu dia lagi kan. Let him want to come out when he wants to come out. Why so rush…” Doc nya reply, “but some people in their 38 weeks, they already given birth.” Dalem hati, gue bilang yah itu kan orang laen. To me, the pain inside was more painful than the pain caused by the knife.
And my due date (hari estimasi Lyon lahir) itu tgl 1 january 2015. When he’s ready, he will come out.) Yah gue bengong donk dokternya bilang gitu. There was one day, I cut my both hands badly, then I walked down to his house, (he lived just two blocks away), and showed my bleeding hands to him.
Dokternya bilang gini, “if on the 1st of January, baby not coming out, you must be induced ok? He was really scared and I think that was the time that he realized he was in a bad situation, being involved with me.
”, (Induce itu proses dimana kita dikasih chemical oxytocin (disuntik) buat ngerangsang kontraksi. I did read secretly his chat history with his bestfriend.
And then when it happens, we can say waoooo thats God!!!! I mean the lyrics really strucks my spirit and connects. Then ada bagian di lagu tadi, dimana yg nyanyi bagiin ayat, John Jesus said: If I don’t do the works, dont believe everything I say. (singlish amat sih) SO are we longing to see His power demonstrated in our life?!?!?!? Trus besoknya tgl 4, hari minggu di gereja, gue ngerasa that I will get something from the sermon, that I have to listen. When the sermon baru aja mulai, Ps Joseph kuarin statement, “Dunia bisa bilang terlambat, tapi Tuhan ga bilang terlambat. No epidural and also baby came out before two hours up. Btw, knapa Tuhan bawa gue lewatin this kind of journey of faith? Baru last week kita officially taking over healing ministry from our sesepuh digereja. Nah inilah knapa gue harus lewatin hal2 seperti ini, to exercise my faith muscle🙂 So this is my personal conviction and journey of faith, having natural birth without epidural. Dia udah liat tampang gue tampang bete gitu, dia sengaja meluk gue and said, “I love you mommy” sambil gave a quick kiss on my lips. Sometimes, when he was angry, he would get physical. He often hit my 9 months old puppy, and one day he hit her so hard that she died on my laps.
But for that, we need to create a space for Him to work His miracle, for us to see the supernatural! Padahal if we wait, He is preparing something supernatural for us. 🙂 So yeah gue smakin convicted kalo emang this is what God wants me to do. If He say-say only, never do, we can stop believing in Him! So yah gue jadi sangat2 yakin (double triple conviction) that Lyon is in good Hands, and God will deliver him. Then langsung beberapa suster siap2in semuanya dengan cekatan. Sehabis itu, suster dan dokternya kasih ucapan selamat ke kita, dokternya bilang, “you very good, very strong. What doctors said impossible, God says it’s possible! Udah saatnya bobo, lampu udah dimatiin, udah diranjang, eh Aiden maen aja terus, umek2 ga bisa diem diranjang sampe lama bgt. ———- Kadang2 juga, kalo gue lagi marah ama dia for example disuruh pake baju malah lari2. A few times he got angry with me because of small matters. I had to do things with him around, even talking with my friends on the phone. Well, we were living together at that time (We lived in Sydney, the story was I was in uni, and my boyfriend was working, but the truth is, I was already kicked out from uni, without my parents knowing) And when I served him for sex, actually my heart already felt nothing towards him, but because I was scared of him, I stayed. Is to see God move and we will see His Power, that He is GOD!! In many cases, kita terlalu cepet pingin ini itu terjadi, thus doing things yg belon tentu Tuhan suruh. Then suster langsung cek gue udah pembukaan berapa. (Bagi yg ga ngerti, pembukaan 10 artinya, the best, maximum pembukaan buat push the baby out) Wah praise God!! kwkwkwkwk gampang bgttttt dibandingin ama Aiden kapan ari, ampir dua jam gue ngepush2 sampe kecapean. I want to explain, this is my personal journey of faith. And akhirnya tiga babies nya lahir secara natural and smoothly.🙂 Hal2 seperti ini yg bikin my spirit jumps and connects. Hal2 yg seperti ini yang bikin my conviction stronger. Not death, not sickness, not condemnation.🙂 Aiden ini anaknya agak sensitip. Cuma kadang2 sensitipnya agak over wwkkwkkw, but that will be his strength when his sensitivity is developed in the right way and subjected to the Word of God.🙂 Contoh nih… Then biasanya kalo abis gue marahin/disiplin, gue ajak dia doa. then biasanya kita bilang, “I forgive you”, but biasanya Aiden yg abis bilang sorry langsung nyambung sendiri, “I forgive you” sambil meluk kita. ———— Sampe sekarang Aiden masih bobo on the same bed ama kita. From that day onwards, he liked to ask me for sex, if I didn’t give it to him, he would get angry. Padahal gue mana tau, ready to push itu maksudnya gimana ahhahah. Then the doctor taught me how to push correctly, she said some people push with their face, which is wrong (haha, no wonder waktu gue lahirin Aiden, gue push with all my might sambil mengkerutin muka sampe muka gue biru smua hahaha dan itu bikin lebih cape) Nah I relaxed my face, but gave a mighty push with my poo-poo muscle hahahaha. And finally after four/five pushes, Lyon pun keluar dengan sukses!! Jam 2 siang gue diancem dokter, dikasih waktu sampe jam 4. It’s His divine work that He wants to do.” Nah to sum up my experience. But she held her ground because she already received that personal conviction. Jadi kalo dokter vonis ini vonis itu, you know what to do because you are informed. When we receive the Word from God, there is nothing that we should fear! ———– Kalo abis di discipline, Aiden biasanya nangis kan, then biasanya dia akan meluk gue or G (whoever yg abis marahin dia), then say “sorry, mommy/daddy”… Tiap malem sebelon bobo, kita pasti saling bilang, I miss you too…. Aiden tiba2 mewek and said, “Tante Vivian never say bye to Aiden…”… Entering the first few weeks of our relationship, he kept asking me to give him my virginity as his birthday present. “if you really love me, you should give it to me” So, because of his persistence, I gave it to him. I tried to convince myself I liked that whole thing once upon a time - and I sort of do. And I have since come to realize, there are blogs out there that put my little ol' "scrapbook" to shame a thousand times over! Just check out some of the sites in my "Favorite Blogs". thanks for stopping by to read my semi-pathetic-attempt-at-being-technologically-gifted blog about our average, ordinary, everyday life! I started this blog to get out of making a real scrapbook because - well, I've come to grips with the fact that I will never actually get any of Lucy's childhood documented if left to scrapbooking. Exactly.) I couldn't stand the thought of having half-finished pages and scrapbooks laying around, collecting dust - never to be finished and actually enjoyed. Not sure what ever possessed me to think I might actually understand and have the capability of operating a blog - heck, I don't even remember knowing what that word WAS until I started this! (But I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for that day to arrive, if you know what I mean.) In the meanwhile... (That was a joke.) And this is my blog, mostly about my favorite little two-year-old, Lucy.