Mathematicians are always impatient and intelligent. A mathematician and a Wall street broker went to races. The mathematician was sceptical, saying that he wanted first to understand the rules, to look on horses, etc.

The broker whispered that he knew a secret algorithm for the success, but he could not convince the mathematician. I sum up their ages and I bet on number nine." "But, three and five is eight," the mathematician protested. " the broker replied, "Haven't I just shown experimentally, that my calculation is correct! " A mathematician, a physicist, an engineer went again to the races and laid their money down.

"You are too theoretical," he said and bet on a horse. Commiserating in the bar after the race, the engineer says, "I don't understand why I lost all my money.

Triumphantly, he exclaimed: "I told you, I knew the secret! I did a statistical analysis of their previous performances and bet on the horses with the highest probability of winning..." "..if you're so hot why are you broke? But before the argument can grow, the mathematician takes out his pipe and they get a glimpse of his well-fattened wallet. extinguishes the fire with the minimum amount of water and energy needed.

Obviously here was a man who knows something about horses. "Well," he says, "first I assumed all the horses were identical and spherical..." An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are staying in a hotel. He goes out into the hallway and sees a fire, so he fills a trash can from his room with water and douses the fire. Later, the mathematician wakes up and smells smoke.

He goes to the hall, sees the fire and then the fire hose. This time, the mathematician stands up, got a bucket, hands the bucket to the physicist, thus reducing the problem to a previously solved one.

He thinks for a moment and then exclaims, "Ah, a solution exists! A physicist and a mathematician are sitting in a faculty lounge. The physicist grabs a bucket and leap towards the sink, filled the bucket with water and puts out the fire. A mathematician and an engineer are on desert island. The engineer climbs up one tree, gets the coconut, eats.

The suggested collection of mathematical folklore might be enjoyable for mathematicians and for students because every joke contains a portion of truth or lie about our profession.

The selected jokes and sayings contain something essential about mathematics, the mathematical way of thinking, or mathematical pop-culture.

We are concerned that publication of sacral lecture jokes may endanger the respect to math. Our excuse for this risky ethnographic research is that the majority of the jokes already exists on the Internet.

Sometimes, people tend to attribute the jokes either to their beloved teachers (Peter Lax is so far the champion) or to legendary figures as Norbert Wiener or Paul Erdos; similarly, physical jokes are attributed to Albert Einstein or Niels Bohr and geometrical theorems - to Euclid.

A number of collected jokes we learned from our professors in Saint-Petersburg. Indeed, the phrasing of the narrator is as important as the essence of the humor (if this essence does exist at all).