Throw in checking up on them on Facebook and cue envying the One That Got Away But Not Really.) engagements to different men because she wondered if she could do better…with the Mr Unavailable who kept disappearing but who she thought she had the ‘right’ amount of ‘passion’ with.
Ever tried to have a conversation with someone or do something where your mind is elsewhere, or you’re constantly looking over your shoulder, or evaluating and analysing things?
Your mind isn’t where it’s supposed to be – in the present.
It’s thinking, I need to know if this is IT and whether they’ll be perfect until the end of time. In fact I don’t want to be just satisfied – I think I should have the fairytale. Sometimes you don’t know what you’re going to enjoy.
The TV channel surfer may be holding themselves to the gold standard of one particular show and thinking that they have to achieve that exact experience in another show.
This past weekend while I was in New York, I got talking to a guy while waiting to go to the bathroom. They think they can find someone better looking or who has more money or whatever.” Of course New Yorkers aren’t the only people who might be thinking that they can do better.
He’d spotted that we were tourists because we had shopping bags before 1pm on a Saturday (OK…) and we ended up filling him in on our trip. I hear from many people who are scared to be absolute in promising themselves to a person (committing) because they worry that if they say that is it, that out there might be a better opportunity and then they’ll be kicking themselves, even though if they were genuinely committed to someone, they fail to realise that they wouldn’t be looking around because they’d be too busy with the person they’re with.My friend asked him for suggestions about good spots for meeting single guys and after telling us that he and all of his friends were gay, he repeated what I’ve heard many times – that it’s very hard to meet guys and in fact, male or female, it’s difficult to lock down a relationship. It’s not like that summer jumpsuit that I found in the Anthropologie sale room in Houston, Texas last summer that I I hemmed and hawed about and then kicked myself for not snapping it up because I didn’t find it another store. Wondering if you can do better all the time, is a bit like when you sit down to watch TV but instead of choosing a programme, watching it and engaging in it, you spend the time surfing around on the off chance that there’s something better to watch.It’s like you hate the idea that you might have missed out on viewing something better that would have left you as satisfied as you expect.Next thing the whole evening has gone by and you’ve not really watched anything.Then you think something that you skipped over earlier and then you end up feeling dissatisfied about not choosing that as well.I’ve had many dating and relationship ‘surfers’ get in touch with me.